She's now a liar and nothing she says can be trusted. She has no right to ask you to trust anything she says. Please post often here. I guarantee you will get great support from people who have experienced the same betrayal and lies and emotional trauma you are facing. I am so sorry. I wish I could remember the total number of new member who shared the exact, or very similar, story as yours but it must be over 100 now.

Investigate history - someone who is dumb enough to run out her battery while screwing some guy in a parking lot is not going to be a mastermind of evasion. Facing and working through the pain of the betrayal trauma is often exhausting, and couples do need periodic respites from this type of relationship work. But planned respites are very different from the premature closure of the trauma work that is necessary for the rebuilding process. As the title suggests, yesterday, I found out my husband has been cheating on me with his co worker. Apparently she has a boyfriend and is cheating on him with my husband too. I guess I’m posting this because I don’t know where to go from here. My whole world has been turned upside down and I’m lost. A 2017 study looked at how children imitate infidelity modeled to them in childhood in adult relationships. Schedule regular coffee meetups, movies out, shopping trips, or anything you like. You need to know that someone cares regularly.

Difficult Beginnings Are Understandable

Restore trust. Make a plan to restore trust that may lead to reconciliation. Agree on a timeline and process. If you were unfaithful, admit guilt and seek forgiveness. If your partner was unfaithful, offer forgiveness when you are able. Together, seek understanding.

There is probably a lot of "I see your point" and "Your feelings are understandable" and "Why do you think your husband is not measuring up?" An affair can be a massive weight on your shoulders that you are carrying around—so let it go. You will feel liberated and ready to move on when you can forgive. Related Reading: How to Forgive a Partner – Steps to Self Healing 12. Go for counseling Don’t blame yourself for what she did , it’s not your fault it’s all on her. That being said don’t go off on her telling her she’s a bad person and be all holier than thou. She already knows she did wrong even if she is trying to justify it. Join a support group to get answers to your numerous thronging questions like, ‘can a marriage survive an affair,’‘how many marriages survive affairs’ and more alike. Related Reading: Support Groups for Betrayed Spouses 4. Be as open as possibleLawyered up. Our prenups are solid, I obtained all the required financial information from my wife, and the attorney will be initiating the divorce this week. We've kept our assets separate, and we'll both leave with ours. It's a pain though that I have to wait 60 days after filing before the divorce can be processed and be official. The wife has covered the fees - I think this is fair. I didn't shit the bed, and I'm not stressing more than I have to over the process. Either it'll solidify her to divorce or shake her azz hard enough she'll realize your serious. Right now is not the time to be weak! We talk she says it will stop immediately and she wants to seek help for herself and get a marriage counselor. Perhaps an incredibly trusted friend or two, but no more than is absolutely necessary, says Hiller. Consulting a lawyer sounds a good idea. She isn't going to change unless she sees some real consequences of her stupid behaviour. She is going to a dark road, you should consider to protect yourself and your kids, not go along with her. IMO, let her have her choices, freely (don't include you), IF the loving caring talking won't work on her.

If you are not 100% into the "open marriage" thing, it will DESTROY your marriage. Do not accept this "just to keep her". If all you want is her, but she's not satisfied with only you, then it will NEVER work.

your wife is in damage control mode. Cheating is 100% selfish and she is thinking 100% about herself now too. For example, she's concerned bout her reputation in the family and community, keeping a nice comfortable home & marriage.