While “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” (Gibson’s first book) goes into introducing the concept and the types of parents that are likely to be EI and validating the mental and emotional experience of what it was like for the adult child to grow up with the EI parents, this sequel goes into greater depth about the relationship dynamics that make having a mature healthy relationship (at the very least, for yourself) with EI parents challenging. As an adult, you might be better off investing in a deeper relationship with yourself, while lowering your expectations for the kind of relationships you can have with others.” This book has validated so much for me, shown be where I still need to focus and improve, highlighted some bad habits I still need to break, but it has also given me space to breathe. To feel one step closer to “normal.” This can happen either overtly via insults and arguments, or covertly by consistently making themselves the topic of conversation, or via subtle little jabs and slights etc.

This book by its own won’t resolve issues. Why? I had to read 2-5 books on each topic , like: boundaries and limits, assertiveness, narcissistic and bordeline abuse, radical honesty, DBT, self esteem workbooks, critical voice and its affect, and more. Instead,” she says, “it’s an indicator that the parent didn’t get their own emotional and attachment needs met when they were growing up. Whether good or bad, we’re all influenced by our past experiences and can only do better when we know better.” After reading “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” I was definitely gaining a better understanding of all the dynamics and things at play within myself. I felt almost “exposed.” But it left me wondering “okay, so what now?” Then I read this book. It felt a little stereo typical in the way it portray the adult children versus the immature parent and I think the relationship between these parties is extremely complex. More often people who have emotionally immature parents respond equally immaturely in conflict with them. Disclaimer: People have different takeaways from self help books, or books that delve deeper into the subject of mental health. It is a personal journey that adapts to your style and not the other way around. It can be triggering and stir up unwanted emotions in you. Do not believe everything that is written or told to you blindly. Everyone has different experiences even when confronted with the exact same situations. Thus, see what works for you. It is your journey, own it.

Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy

Shame is a feeling / emotion (thus it eventually passes), not a definition / statement of my worth. I really enjoyed this book, I feel it has some really good and helpful tools for people who struggle with the strain of having emotionally immature parents in their lives. It is tough to accept that at times, even with little fault of yours, it is you who would have to change your perspective or behaviour. It is you who have to respond in a different manner for things to be a bit more bearable and perhaps even favourable. In emotionally heightened situations, people can’t self-reflect and therefore have no way to grow. Instead, they are limited to blaming others and expecting others to change first. It is only natural to think this way. But this pattern of thought over a continued period of time leads to self disconnection and that is undesirable. The author gives lots of great examples, even examples of specific wording to use. That part is especially helpful to me, because I had no idea how to disagree amiably: "it sounds like we have different viewpoints, and that's OK." Or "you may be right but I'd like to do it this way this time."

When you can’t connect through a shared interpersonal experience, you’re unable to recognize how your emotions impact those around you. Emotional reactivity is the intensity with which you respond to emotions. High emotional reactivity is a sign of poor emotional regulation and involves intense shifts in your emotional responses.

Are we suffering from an epidemic of emotional immaturity?

In a nutshell, it’s anyone in your life who is draining, self absorbed, emotionally coercive, and who discounts the importance of your inner experience. Her books are LOADED with wisdom, insight and actually extremely useful and spot on advice on how to manage difficult relationships with emotionally immature people. I like how Gibson does a fine balancing act of giving suggestions on one can strengthen one’s self-concept and feeling more comfortable with developing internal boundaries (ie, you’re allowed to have private thoughts and opinions in your mind not privy to your EI parents) while at the same time offering helpful strategies to disarm potential conflict and promote having a more authentic interaction when in the parent’s presence. Chadley Zobolas, a licensed clinical social worker from Denver, Colorado, gives the example of responding to an upset child with “it could be so much worse.”