Kathryn Mannix is our modern-day prophet … This is an essential book for anyone interested in themselves and their fellow humans’Greg Wise -

Be compassionate for her situation but do not make the mistake of asking yourself how the situation would affect you if she were your sister, your friend, yourself. Your own sorrows will come in good time; don't be in a hurry for them.’ Loneliness

This wise, gentle and profound book will not only help us to keep walking. It will teach us how to dance. There are moments when we must talk, listen and be there for one another. Why do we so often come away from those times feeling like we could have done more or should have been braver in the face of discomfort? Why do we skirt the conversations that might matter most?

Including her own personal stories works so well, even showing us when she hasn’t used the skills herself, most notably on one occasion when she fails to tell a terminally ill woman she is dying. And it was hard not to be moved by the man determined to shave himself, a finally act of dignity before he died. I really liked the analogy of dancing and conversation - there are lots of different components, and the speaker and the listener can fall into step together.

Customer reviews

It is often really difficult to have ‘difficult’ (what Mannix beautifully terms ‘tender’) conversations. I think we all naturally want to be fixers so we often try to reassure the other person or say things that are far from helpful, leaving the other person feel unheard and often finding the situation they are in even more challenging. Mannix writes about the lost art of listening. How silence is not necessarily a bad thing and how to really hear what the other person is saying. Mannix believes that one of the most powerful tools for a tender conversation is silence. "It's just to shut up, get out of the way verbally and allow the person to feel those sorrowful or angry feelings and just be present." The feeling of wanting to fill the silence is well-intentioned, but it can be misguided. "It's incredible how much people want to help," said Mannix, "but oftentimes, the most valuable gift at a moment of crisis is silent companionship."

Her book is not just for the dying and grieving. It is for understanding how to approach every difficult conversion you are avoiding or dreading - with your children, your boss, your neighbour, your best friend or your gym buddy. Grief is not an illness, it is a response to loss. The grief will last as long as the loss does, and after a death the loss will last for ever. The loss permeates a bereaved person’s present, their memories of the past and their expectations of their future. Although they will eventually find their pain is a smaller component of their everyday life, it is not going to leave them completely. … They will not ‘get over it’ despite encountering many people who tell them that they should. Grief is a process that will eventually enable them to live alongside the loss. It will take the time it takes.” One area mentioned was one I had not come across before. This was the use of fairly formalised and trained peer to peer and teacher "listening". While this wasn't a difficult read it did leave me with a real hope for the future of listening rather more generally.This is a wonderfully practical book, well laid out and easy to read. The language is familiar and conversational, and the illustrations are a nice touch.