The ancient Greeks believed that there were seven basic types of love: Eros (sexual or passionate love), Philia (friendship), Storge (familial), Agápe (universal), Ludus (casual or non-committal), Pragma (based on duty), and Philautia (self-love). More recently, psychologist Tim Lomas, a lecturer in the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard University, analyzed 50 languages and identified 14 unique kinds of love. We’ve put romantic love on such a pedestal in society that we believe that even if you have an amazing relationship with your dad, mom, kids, siblings, and friends, but don’t also have romantic love, then you are incomplete. Don’t compare all these beautiful bonds that we have. Is the love you have for your children less important or more important than the love you have for your partner or your own parents? Another problem with over-emphasizing chemistry is that it doesn’t take character into account. Character traits such as our interests and values are far important for a successful long-term relationship. Chemistry starts a relationship, compatibility keeps it going, and character protects the relationship when things are falling apart. “When you see someone’s personality, you see what you like, but when you see someone’s character, you see the more difficult, challenging parts of them.” That's one thing. The other thing yg aku syukuri adalah: Syemmi ngasih aku banyak "gift" yg selama ini aku dapatkan dari orangtuaku. We are drawn to love as we are drawn to a flower—first by its beauty and allure—but the only way we can keep it alive is through consistent care and attention. Love is a daily effort. I want to develop the habit of love with you in this book. I’ll introduce you to practices, mindsets, and tools that will help you love in a way that brings daily rewards, season after season.

I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being. Romantic love is at once familiar and complex. It has been seen and described in infinite ways across time and cultures. Psychologist Tim Lomas, a lecturer in the Human Flourishing Program at Harvard University, analyzed fifty languages and identified fourteen unique kinds of love. The ancient Greeks said there were seven basic types: Eros, which is sexual or passionate love; Philia, or friendship; Storge, or familial love; Agape, which is universal love; Ludus, which is casual or noncommittal love; Pragma, which is based on duty or other interests; and Philautia, which is self-love. An analysis of Chinese literature from five hundred to three thousand years old reveals many forms of love, from passionate and obsessive love to devoted love, to casual love. In the Tamil language, there are more than fifty words for various kinds and nuances of love, such as love as grace, love within a fulfilling relationship, and a melting inside due to a feeling of love. In Japanese, the term koi no yokan describes the sensation of meeting someone new and feeling that you are destined to fall in love with them, and kokuhaku describes a declaration of loving commitment. In India’s Boro language, onsra describes the knowledge that a relationship will fade. A lot of people say, “We just don’t love each other anymore, we’ve fallen out of love.” What that means is that love wasn’t enough. There were character traits that we needed that we didn’t find in that partner, that we didn’t recognize we needed to grow the relationship. The Gottman Institute, which publishes studies on relationships, talked about how the number one thing that keeps couples together is not date nights, holiday cruises, or walks on the beach, it’s their ability to learn how to argue, the ability to turn an argument into a discussion. Fighting and arguing push you apart, but discussion and debate bring you closer. Which is that this is an objectively terrible book by someone young with a large follower for unknown reasons. I think his credentials are seriously that he is married (he won't ever let the reader forget it), that he was a monk for a bit (won't let that one go either) and that he is a coach (what does that even really mean). He was a monk for three years (age 22-25). It's more than any average person sure but that's.... really not a lot of time to be making big proclamations.

How to Find it, Keep it, and Let it go

I think he takes some serious liberties with interpretations of Vedic texts. He frames everything into love (and mostly between monogamous partners) which... took one Google to dispel. His four stages of love.... are really stretched interpretations from the Bhagavad Gita. And I feel like he just uses whatever suits him to fit his point because well... none of us were monks! none of us have read the Bhagavad Gita!! so how would we know! Sorry, this book is not ground-breaking. Nothing new under the sun here. It’s all good advice, of course. And it’s all been around for some time now, not just in ashrams and the Vedas. Books, couples counselors, advice columns, blogs, podcasts - nothing is new. Some people just phrase things with a fresh twist, like "Swipe right." Kocham go od 8 lat. Kocham bez przerwy, chociaż może mi w to nie wierzyć. Kocham, chociaż wątpiłam. Kocham, bo on nigdy nie wątpił. Kocham sto razy bardziej, odkąd jesteśmy małżeństwem. Kocham najmocniej, odkąd jesteśmy rodzicami. Nobody sits us down and teaches us how to love. So we're often thrown into relationships with nothing but romance movies and pop culture to help us muddle through. Until now. Our own culture describes love in numerous ways. If we look at the Billboard Top 50 Love Songs of All Time, we are told that love is a secondhand emotion (Tina Turner), love is a roller coaster (Ohio Players), love is a hangover (Diana Ross), love is a crazy little thing (Queen), love’s got Beyoncé looking so crazy right now, and Leona Lewis keeps bleeding love. Movies idealize love, but we rarely find out what happens after happily ever after. With so many perspectives and portraits and parables of love surrounding us every day, I want this book to help you create your own definition of love and develop the skills to practice and enjoy that love every day.

Overall, I can endorse this book for young people who have not already read a hundred other titles with similar messages. It’s much healthier and more important to see your partner in multiple interactions over time before you’ve gone too far in. Studies show that you need around 40 hours to consider someone a casual friend, a hundred hours to consider someone a good friend, and 200 hours to consider someone a great friend. DePaulo points to research that when asked to predict their levels of happiness should they stay single, college students thought that over the next five years they’d experience roughly three out of 10 on the happiness scale. Conversely, if they got married, they imagined they’d be just above an eight. In reality the average happiness rating of a single person was just above a seven, and continued climbing as the years went on. Jay Shetty explores themes of compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and self-awareness as they relate to love, all of that again, very accessible, with an easy to follow and engaging writing style.

Introduction

Sparkling 5 stars!!! A huge bravo to Jay Shetty! By far the best author I have discovered this year and 8 rules of love the best book I've read this year. Many of us pass through these four ashrams without learning the lessons they present. In the first ashram, we resist being alone and miss out on the growth that solitude offers. In the second, we avoid lessons that come from the challenges that accompany any relationship. In the third, we don’t take responsibility for our healing. And the fourth—loving everyone—is something we never even consider because we have no idea it’s possible. I cannot begin to describe to you how great this is written, rich with practical advice, personal experiences and angedotes, advice that is real, true to the wordly experiences and the modern dating and actually changes your habits and styles of connecting with people. Improves you. And then on top of all that goodness, there are meditations by the end of each lesson which are so powerful, but also very accessible, can be done from anywhere, great for newbies and ease you into a meditation no matter who you are. I've started getting into meditations this year and have been greatly enjoying it and I'll definitely be incorporating all of them described here in my daily life. So very beneficial. der Autor war mal ein Mönch und verusucht alles mit den uralten Weisheiten zu erklären. Es fängt an mit unnötigen namedropping aus dem Hinduismus als würden mich die 10.000 Fremdwörter interessieren, die ich sowieso wieder nach 2 Sekunden vergessen (einfach nur um zu zeigen, dass er tatsächlich mit 3 Jahren als Mönch seine Religion kennt) und geht weiter indem er so tut als wäre die Religion ein Autoritätsargument. Im Sinne, es müsse Stimmen wenn es vor 3000 Jahren geschrieben wurde.

When I decided to ask Radhi to marry me, I set out to arrange the best, most romantic proposal of all time. I asked a friend about engagement rings and bought her a classic diamond ring. Then, on a beautiful spring evening in 2014, I suggested to her that we meet near London Bridge to take a walk down the bank of the Thames (we were living in London at the time). I told her we were going to a nice place for dinner, knowing she would dress appropriately for the night I had planned. Just as we passed an idyllic spot with one of the best views in the city, a man suddenly appeared and gave her a huge bouquet. As she was marveling over the flowers, an a cappella group burst out of nowhere and joined the bouquet-bearing man to sing the Bruno Mars song Marry You. I got down on one knee and proposed to her. She cried; I cried too. After she said yes, a vegan meal was delivered, and we sat down to eat at a table I had set up on the bank of the Thames. She thought that was the end of the fanfare, and we got up to head home, but as we rounded a corner, there was a white horse-drawn carriage. We climbed aboard, and it carried us through the city, passing all the major sights. She was shouting out, I’m engaged! and passersby cheered for us. Finally, we went to share our good news with her parents. In the first ashram, Brahmacharya, we prepare for love. We don’t get in a car and start to drive without studying for a learner’s permit and practicing the core skills in a safe space. When we take a new job, we might prepare by learning a new computer program, talking to people we’ll be working with about what might be expected of us, or reviewing whatever skills we might need. And we prepare for love by learning how to love ourselves in solitude. Alone, we learn to understand ourselves, to heal our own pain, and to care for ourselves. We acquire skills like compassion, empathy, and patience (Rule 1). This prepares us to share love because we’ll need these qualities when we love someone else. We will also examine our past relationships to avoid making the same mistakes in relationships going forward (Rule 2). In Grhastha we will examine how to know if you’re in love (Rule 3), how to learn and grow with your partner (Rule 4), and how to set priorities and manage personal time and space within your relationship (Rule 5).You probably came to this book wondering how to find or keep love with a partner. We want love in our lives, and we naturally assume it should take the form of romantic love. But it’s a misconception that the only love in your life is between you and your partner, your family, and your friends. It’s a misconception that life is meant to be a love story between you and one other person. That love is just a stepping-stone. Having a partner isn’t the end goal. It’s practice for something bigger, something life-changing, a form of love that is even more expansive and rewarding than romantic love." Do you remember when you were 16? Do you remember having your first crush? At 16, it’s so much easier to feel the spark and chemistry than when you’re older because our prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed. As we get older, our reasoning power, self-control, discipline, and ability to be more discerning are all strengthened. Sejujurnya, ketika liat judul buku barunya Jay Shetty yang ini, aku teringat lagunya JKT48 😂 (Aturan Anti Cinta)...